I have to admit the reasons were a little more personal and selfish, then just wanting to see my friend Mike again. *sigh* Back when i was younger I had a serious crush on my friend Mike. He knew i was bisexual but still accepted me as his best friend. We played around a few times over the years and I was very happy about it. I think i sort of fell in love with Micheal over time but nothing ever came of it. It was such a stupid dream. Mike had been a drug addict, he has no education, and he isn’t very bright. It was the main reason I never truly pushed for a relationship. He was mostly straight and i knew it would never work. Not with all the problems i knew the future might hold for us. I knew i wanted to settle down one day and have kids. There would be no way i could do that with Micheal. I love the man but…well he’s basically a dim-bulb. The years of drug use when he was a teen has basically fried his brain and now, while he has been clean and sober for more the 8 years…well like i said he ain’t much.
We’ve remained close throughout 2o years of friendship and there is nothing i wouldn’t do for him, and he for me. Even though he is now married and his priorities have changed quite a bit. He has a son now, and i can’t stand his wife. I won’t mention her name but she and i clash mainly because of our personalities. But also how she treats Micheal. I still remember that day more then 10 years ago when he told me he had been suddenly kissed by some guy in a restroom in Sears. The details were so vivid. I thought maybe it was a sign. We came pretty close that night but he chickened out and i backed off. two years later i asked him about that night and he admitted to me that he had been high as a kite, and the so-called kiss had been nothing more then a drug-induced hallucination. He still doesn’t know, or understand, how much that hurt. Memories are truly precious things, and to know it was because he was on drugs totally ruins it all in some way. A few days ago i was in the shower and i was once again at a point where i was ready to move on from the depression and misery. Start a new life and start dating again. But something started bothering me. So i went to Micheal to get the answers i needed. I felt I couldn’t move on without them.
We went to a local bar & restaurant, where we chatted it up for about a hour before i plucked up enough courage to ask him my question. I asked him if he had been on drugs during the times we had been intimate, and told him to be truthful. He admitted he had been on drugs every time except for one. Ecstasy. Although through much of those times he had claimed he was clean and sober. I asked why he had fucking lied about that. He said it wasn’t all that serious, that Ecstasy had really helped him when we had been together. I told him he was full of shit, and i hinted his performance had always been lackluster in that department. I asked him if he had been on drugs when we had a threesome with Stacey. He said yes. I was pissed and hurt, but it quickly passed. There was no use in being angry. He asked me if i was truly upset with him. I told him i had been for a moment, but i had actually pushed all those liaisons so I got what i asked for. Shitty sex with my best friend who was a crack addict. But i still told him the fact that he had fucked Stacey when he was on drugs had pissed me off.
I told him the memories were still precious to me, although they were now somewhat tainted. We still ended up laughing about it all. I have to admit, a part of me hurts but I’m glad i know the whole truth now. Did it help me move on? I don’t know. Maybe i don’t care. Maybe God is just giving me my just desserts or something. Payment for my sins and all. *sigh*
But i guess…thats life, filled with beautiful memories and disappointments…