I thought we had more time…I thought i had more time. That what you say when someone you were in love with dies. I dated Stacey Isaac for 10 years. from 18 on up to 28. On and off, on and off. and now just 20 minutes ago i find out she died back in April or May. A heart attack…can you goddamn believe it. She was 31, no one fucking dies at 31 of a heart attack. Her mother is still grieving and so is her brother. I think i’m in shock…I don’t know any more.
I kept thinking everything was fine. Sure she hadn’t spoken to me in over 4 months but it was o.k.. She was busy with a singing career in Europe. Everything was fine, wasn’t it? I’m trapped between misery, relief, and grief at the moment. A part of me is happy because now i’m totally free emotionally. I don’t have to wonder any more. I don’t have to continue to love her and have a small hope that maybe, one day, we’ll be together again. I can finally move on. I wanted to move on but…God not like this! I still had all those young, stupid hopes and dreams that we’d marry and I’d make her happy. Now in a few days or so…I’ll be visiting her grave with her mother and her younger brother. Her family tried to contact me but they didn’t have a number or address. I missed her funeral, i missed saying hello and good-bye. Everything, i missed out on everything. I loved her…I still do love her. What do i do now. I feel like i truly have to start over now and i don’t fucking want to. I don’t want to find another woman to love. I’m just so tired now. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like life has piled one more misery upon me. Like its got nothing else better to do.
I love you Stacey Isaac.